R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my poor anus
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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