Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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