is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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