Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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