Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
