Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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