Pappa wants mamma naked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
