what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
