We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
