Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
