He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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