Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
