Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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