got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
