Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
