every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
