Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
