i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
