There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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