My hand turned me down
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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