It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
