They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
