It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
