I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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