I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
