Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
