apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
