I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
