I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
