how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
