IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
