he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
