dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
