Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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