3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
