All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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