So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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