I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
