i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
