she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
