I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
