im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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