it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
