i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
