Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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