Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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