we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
