Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
