i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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