the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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