So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
