I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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