he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
